Tuesday, May 5, 2015

A 40 Year Old Child Speaks

"[46:15] We enjoined the human being to honour his parents. His mother bore him arduously, gave birth to him arduously, and took intimate care of him for thirty months. When he reaches maturity, and reaches the age of forty,* he should say, "My Lord, direct me to appreciate the blessings You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and to do the righteous works that please You. Let my children be righteous as well. I have repented to You; I am a submitter."

I am turning 40 in less than a month. How does that make me feel?

Like a toddler still making baby steps, to be quite honest.  I still wish that I can run to Mak when I get a boo-boo. I still wish that someone will clean up my mess for my own recklessness. I still wish there were more things I am physically and mentally able to conquer as I don't feel like I have lost that sense of wonderment and adventure. As much as I work hard to make the effort to be orderly and more put together in my adult role-play, my slovenliness proves that I am as childish, maybe more so now than I was before.

I don't subscribe to the notion of life only beginning at 40 as I am literally experiencing the effects of gravity and years of neglect as I type this. I am inclined to embrace the idea that from here on in, I am accountable for the square peg in a round hole that I have been almost all of my being conscientious of who I was, where I am now and where I want to be tomorrow. I am secretly scared that who I am today will be the person I will continue to be, and that will be my downfall.

Did I just say that about myself?! In simple words, it basically means that I am a reluctant adult. With some life experience, I know now that the safest thing to do is to assume a responsible adult position in my daily life. It is tiring, it laborious, can I say it is so so hard to be a grown up?! Especially with GST and all *cough*

I know somehow, someday my children will read this, I will say and I think you can see for yourself, hunny bunnies, that being grown ups is hard, let me reiterate but it is nothing short of fun if you know what you are doing! The fun you have as children does not compare to the kind of F.U.N you will have when you hold the reigns to your own lives.

So there, done and dusted!

What I like about my assuming a responsible adult position is that I am empowering myself to overcome the negative energies that used to hold me back from doing what I should or could be doing because it was not age-appropriate (what is that??) or because it was not proper for a girl/wife/daughter or a Malay or a Muslim to be doing this and that. Breaking away from my passive dependence orientation of submissiveness, or my preoccupation with tick-boxing my entitlements, and defiance to what is proper, adult and responsible were my Kilimanjaro.

My friends and family keep telling me that the litmus test to prove that you are an adult is when you do what you do because you want to, because you know how, because you can and dare if someone snubs you, you bite back! Or have the power to say,  "OK, Next!"

Is that true though?  Obviously, I do not have enough life experience to vouch for that...

My life goals are still superficial and materialistic to a degree. The battle of the Nafs is constantly distracting me from more transcendental objectives. The latter give me the will and the hope that Allah will forgive me and will purify me sufficiently to allow me the blessings of seeing His Face in a place where I can be the eternal child that I want to be, running to Mak as we rest where we truly belong or wish to belong. There will be no pain, no aging, no negativity...

Everyone will be in their perfect beautiful existence. I will rest upon her bosom for all of eternity.

Pray for me as I approach the realm of ripeness, that I will be guided to righteousness and that I will keep my responsible adult position according to the Deen.

Ameen.


"[35:37] They will scream therein, "Our Lord, if you get us out of here, we will work righteousness, instead of the works we used to do." Did we not give you a life-long chance, with continuous reminders for those who would take heed? Did you not receive the warner? Therefore, taste (the consequences). The transgressors will have no one to help them."







20 comments:

  1. We are always budak when it comes to our parents. And among us pon still call each other budak skola this budak uni that

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  2. Assalam. Nice to read. You'll feel more like a budak sekolah again when you meet up with ur old school mates, even after 40 odd years....hihi.

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    1. I had a reunion with mrsm mates, we climb kinabalu together last April.

      I did not feel young after the climb. All of us agreed it was a preview to being really old with our aches and pains post-hike. Tq for swinging by...

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  3. Four zero is a good number...not to big and not too small :)
    And I quote you - "Banyak la korang punya writer's block ye??" Nice entry!

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    1. Hehehe... bila dah start enjin...mcm ni la jadinya. Nice to see u here!

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  4. Speaking of Kilimanjaro...jom? :) - Ayu

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  5. give me a 2 years to prepare, and then we'll talk

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  6. You will always be my budak!

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  7. I have done 40. Four years after the event, i am still trying to figure out what it means.

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  8. well then!

    i have nothing to worry about!

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  9. well then!

    i have nothing to worry about!

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  10. You've got to stop thinking like a 70 year old. You make me feel absolutely delinquent... and I'm only 60.

    *First time visiting :)

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  11. Hello, am fours years past that numbers and still feel mudaaaaaa..bila tgk anak baru sedar, eh dah byk umur..hehehe
    Of course some things changed.
    Yg penting kita dah update blog kan?

    #OO

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  12. The good thing abt number is you can add, subtract, times or divide. So, since u mentioned 4, 0 you could do this 4+0=4. Hence, you're just 4 year old. Sekian

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  13. At my school gathering,we are Budak SDAR.We grow old but we never grow up.I am 60+ but I cycle like kids on weekends in Putrajaya.

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  14. At my school gathering,we are Budak SDAR.We grow old but we never grow up.I am 60+ but I cycle like kids on weekends in Putrajaya.

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