"[46:15] We enjoined the human being to honour his parents. His mother bore him arduously, gave birth to him arduously, and took intimate care of him for thirty months. When he reaches maturity, and reaches the age of forty,* he should say, "My Lord, direct me to appreciate the blessings You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and to do the righteous works that please You. Let my children be righteous as well. I have repented to You; I am a submitter."
Like a toddler still making baby steps, to be quite honest. I still wish that I can run to Mak when I get a boo-boo. I still wish that someone will clean up my mess for my own recklessness. I still wish there were more things I am physically and mentally able to conquer as I don't feel like I have lost that sense of wonderment and adventure. As much as I work hard to make the effort to be orderly and more put together in my adult role-play, my slovenliness proves that I am as childish, maybe more so now than I was before.
I don't subscribe to the notion of life only beginning at 40 as I am literally experiencing the effects of gravity and years of neglect as I type this. I am inclined to embrace the idea that from here on in, I am accountable for the square peg in a round hole that I have been almost all of my being conscientious of who I was, where I am now and where I want to be tomorrow. I am secretly scared that who I am today will be the person I will continue to be, and that will be my downfall.
Did I just say that about myself?! In simple words, it basically means that I am a reluctant adult. With some life experience, I know now that the safest thing to do is to assume a responsible adult position in my daily life. It is tiring, it laborious, can I say it is so so hard to be a grown up?! Especially with GST and all *cough*
I know somehow, someday my children will read this, I will say and I think you can see for yourself, hunny bunnies, that being grown ups is hard, let me reiterate but it is nothing short of fun if you know what you are doing! The fun you have as children does not compare to the kind of F.U.N you will have when you hold the reigns to your own lives.
So there, done and dusted!
What I like about my assuming a responsible adult position is that I am empowering myself to overcome the negative energies that used to hold me back from doing what I should or could be doing because it was not age-appropriate (what is that??) or because it was not proper for a girl/wife/daughter or a Malay or a Muslim to be doing this and that. Breaking away from my passive dependence orientation of submissiveness, or my preoccupation with tick-boxing my entitlements, and defiance to what is proper, adult and responsible were my Kilimanjaro.
My friends and family keep telling me that the litmus test to prove that you are an adult is when you do what you do because you want to, because you know how, because you can and dare if someone snubs you, you bite back! Or have the power to say, "OK, Next!"
Is that true though? Obviously, I do not have enough life experience to vouch for that...
My life goals are still superficial and materialistic to a degree. The battle of the Nafs is constantly distracting me from more transcendental objectives. The latter give me the will and the hope that Allah will forgive me and will purify me sufficiently to allow me the blessings of seeing His Face in a place where I can be the eternal child that I want to be, running to Mak as we rest where we truly belong or wish to belong. There will be no pain, no aging, no negativity...
Everyone will be in their perfect beautiful existence. I will rest upon her bosom for all of eternity.
Pray for me as I approach the realm of ripeness, that I will be guided to righteousness and that I will keep my responsible adult position according to the Deen.
"[35:37] They will scream therein, "Our Lord, if you get us out of here, we will work righteousness, instead of the works we used to do." Did we not give you a life-long chance, with continuous reminders for those who would take heed? Did you not receive the warner? Therefore, taste (the consequences). The transgressors will have no one to help them."